Summertime
by NikohlRose
Summary: James and Lily Potter had struggled for years to have a baby.


**TRIGGER WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF MISCARRIAGE.**

* * *

The day appeared ominous from the front windows of the young Potter's home. Dark grey clouds lurked silently across the colourless sky as a smattering of crimson and gold drifted down from the bones of skeletal trees.

James held his young wife around her waist as she stared unblinkingly at the world outside their window. She was crying- James was sure of it. He could feel her tiny body shaking, and he held her tighter still, gently caressing her arms, her hands, and her vacant stomach.

The couple had suffered yet another loss recently.

Lily clutched James' hand tightly as it stopped over her abdomen, and she sobbed painfully for the life of their baby. _Their _baby_. _

They had a list of baby names magnetised on the fridge, and with every loss, another name disappeared.

_Rose/Michael_

_Sarah/Robert_

_Kimberley/Joshua_

_Samantha/Declan_

_Emily/Harry_

_Jane/Christopher_

Their babies- their tiny, beautiful babies with James' crooked smile and Lily's soft red hair- all of them gone, leaving a vacant womb and two bleeding hearts, standing by the window.

"I'm defective."

James stopped caressing his wife and gently turned her around to face him. Her face was red and blotchy, her tear-filled eyes too green. She was a suffering mother, carrying the burden of a crippled womb that couldn't nourish their children.

He pulled her into his chest with a soothing hand lightly stroking the back of her head as she wept, defeated. He buried his nose in her hair, wishing –not for the first time- that he could make everything better, but he knew that not even all of the gold in Gringotts could ease their suffering.

"You're not defective," He whispered into her ear. "You're a strong, completely whole woman."

She clutched him tighter and sobbed harder into his robes, crying for their losses past and surely, future.

* * *

For two years they had been trying to have a baby.

The first time, they were devastated when at ten weeks, Lily started to bleed.

Then she bled again, and again, and again.

Yet another pregnancy had failed, along with the news that her sister had given birth to a healthy baby boy. Lily, though happy for her sister, was completely ruined by the news.

"I don't want to try again." She cried mournfully. "I can't do this again- I can't lose another baby."

James simply held her tightly as she sobbed uncontrollably, caressing the small of her back as he buried his face into her hair, crying with her for the children they will never have.

* * *

It was a chilly September morning at the Potter household when Lily felt sick again.

"I'm pregnant." She whispered to her husband, trying to keep her emotions at bay. She was terrified, with a heavy cloud of despair that seemed to hang over her. She was preparing herself for the inevitable loss that would come about in the next month-or-so, and couldn't allow herself to get excited. She didn't want to hurt again- she couldn't lose yet another child.

"How do you feel?" James asked as he sat at the small kitchen table, holding a cup of tea. He watched her carefully as she held a hand at her flat stomach, her eyes sad.

"I feel sick." She paused, looking up at the list that hung on the fridge. "And I'm scared."

James sighed and stood up, almost spilling the tea on his robes. He walked toward his wife and kissed her on the cheek. "You never know," he smiled. "-this could be the one." He placed a warm hand across her abdomen and rubbed it gently. "This could be it."

* * *

The weeks passed and Lily's nausea grew, and then eased. Her breasts swelled and a roadmap of deep blue veins criss-crossed over her hips and chest. She cried more than usual at the silliest things, and got frustrated at James when he made bad jokes.

At night James held her and their baby, and in the morning before he got up to boil some tea, he kissed her cheek and stomach, hopeful that when she went to the bathroom that morning she wouldn't find blood in her knickers.

* * *

They were at the park when she felt a cramp.

At thirteen weeks pregnant, this was their longest pregnancy and Lily, despite herself, was slowly allowing herself to feel hopeful. She was showing a tiny bit for the first time, a little bump between her hips that she proudly showed off by wearing body-conforming long sleeved shirts. She often found herself with a hand over the little mound, rubbing it softly, willing the baby to grow.

She was a mother in-love.

When she felt it, she was scared.

"J-James," She stuttered, feeling panic slowly consume her as another pain hit her abdomen. "James Oh my God-"

James stood still, a lump forming in his throat. _Not again, please, not again._

* * *

The first time, they were fresh out of school when Lily missed her period.

She told him after dinner when she started to feel sick again, before running to the bathroom, leaving a shell-shocked James standing in the doorway. _"Pregnant?" _He had asked dumbly, as if he didn't know what the word meant. Lily had rolled her eyes between heaves, knowing that even though they were young, James would rise up to the challenge and be an excellent father and partner.

That night, they made a list of names, and a week later, crossed two names off.

* * *

James took her to St. Mungos as soon as she felt the cramps, tears welling in her eyes and an emotionless mask covering James' once smiling face. She was immediately admitted, and not ten minutes later a healer was pressing a device to her stomach.

The examination room was cosy, with a warm lamp casting a yellow glow over the young couple and healer. It was a small room with only one bed and a little window overlooking a patisserie. James wanted to take Lily there after the examination.

The couple gripped each others' hands tightly, palms sweating as the healer continued to move the device across her abdomen.

"How are you feeling now?" The healer asked Lily, looking at her behind square glasses. His face was stern, brows furrowed- worried.

The pregnant witch swallowed- her mouth was too dry.

"I can't feel anything at all."

* * *

That night, James held her again as she cried breathlessly into her pillow. The shortened list lay beside them on the covers and a moving sonogram lay carelessly on the floor next to the couple's bed, a sombre reminder of the life that once existed in her empty womb.

* * *

James was sitting outside on the back porch, a cigarette held in his hand. He shouldn't have been smoking, but smoking was a rare comfort these days. He gazed, unfeeling, at the backyard. It was big enough for children.

He took another drag on the cigarette, burying the deep-rooted sadness that once again threatened to consume him. The nicotine entered his bloodstream, and he was thankful for the satisfaction that followed. For once, he felt something other than despair.

The sound of a sliding door made him panic for a moment, and he quickly stubbed out the cigarette under his heel and tried desperately to waft the smell of smoke away.

"Lil-" _Cough, _"-Lily!"

He turned around, coughing, to see his best friend smirking behind him. "Give us a smoke Prongs, you whipped bastard." The man laughed and sat down beside James, who passed him a cigarette.

The pair sat in silence for a short time, smoking James' cigarettes as they watched the skeletal trees' branches dance in the ghostly wind.

"How's Lily?" Sirius asked his friend after a little while, stubbing the cigarette on the ground. He looked at his best friend and watched pain furrow his brow.

"She wants to give up." James replied, stretching before reaching for another smoke. "She can't go through another one. The Healer said that we should wait for her to heal properly before trying again." He sighed. "Then she gave us a pamphlet about adoption."

Sirius drug a hand through his hair and shook his head. "Sorry mate." And he was. If any couple deserved a child, it was Lily and James. Even he, Sirius Black, the self-proclaimed 'dishy bachelor' knew how much a baby would mean to them.

"'s'not your fault," Replied James sullenly, "It's just the way it is."

The two friends sat there for a while and when Lily arrived home an hour later, she didn't mention the smell of smoke, and instead walked silently up to the bedroom.

* * *

It was Christmas time and the trees were no longer losing their leaves, but were instead covered with a fine coating of white.

Jovial Christmas tunes played on the muggle radio as the couple entertained their small group of guests. The smell of freshly baked sweets wafted through the house, making everyone's mouths water as laughter consumed them and they refilled their glasses with butterbeer.

Lily's cheeks were tinged a merry shade of pink as she almost fell off the couch, laughing so much. She was happy for the first time in a long time, and was thankful that James had convinced her to host a Christmas party for them and their friends.

As the clock struck midnight, Lily turned down the radio.

"Everyone gather around! It's time for gifts!"

She walked over to the tree and sat next to the pile of gifts, joy welling in the pit of her stomach. She was so incredibly happy that she could burst!

After she had called all of the names, one gift remained under the tree- a little package wrapped in gold.

"James," She smiled warmly, "This one's for you."

James walked over to his wife and sat down beside her, kissing her on the cheek as he thanked her for the gift. He shook it comically and got a laugh from everyone except for Lily, who gently scolded him. "'cmon James, be serious!"

"Isn't that right James!" Sirius laughed, "You've gotta be more like me!"

"Shoosh, you!" Lily laughed before turning to James and saying softly, "Open it."

James smiled at his wife and opened the package.

He peered inside the package and he could have sworn that his heart stopped. Very slowly from the package he held up a pair of little blue baby boots, and promptly cried.

The party erupted into excited yells as James and Lily embraced on the floor, sobbing, next to the Christmas tree, a moving sonogram fallen from the empty package beside them titled _'15 weeks'._

* * *

Harry Potter was born nine months later on a warm summer's day, to the immeasurable joy of James and Lily Potter.


End file.
